He strolls right through the front door every Friday without knocking, though he's never lived here. He'll spend his time eating our food, flipping through our channels and catching up on juicy family gossip. He might even remember to ask about his nephews.
I'll pretend it doesn't bother me that he dyed his beautiful blond curls a patchy, weak black. I'll let the other kids razz him for it. Next time we see him, it'll be back to normal.
When he's had all he can take of us, he'll rise, stretch, and say those three little words...
"I need money."
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Monday, January 23, 2012
The Brain Should Rest
I moved into this small rental place last October. You probably already knew that, but let's pretend you're new here, just for giggles. (For those of you who didn't give up profanity as your New Year's Resolution, you can say Shits n Giggles.)
Several boxes have gone unpacked for those months, mainly craft crap.
I wish I had taken a "before" pic, but in hindsight all things...yadda yadda yadda...
The other place had built-in storage. This place, not so much. I spontaneously bought these stack-able closet organizers at Target and put them together for my brand new "Craft Like a Rock Star" craft center. Then I had to custom make the boxes to put into the cubbies, because those cubbies are actually supposed to hold shoes, not craft supplies, and you can't buy storage containers that size anywhere. I looked on Pinterest, hoping to find an amazing way to quickly produce the damn (shucks, I mean darn) things, but nothing I found was quite right for my project. I busted out the old T-square and some decorative paper left over from my artsy fartsy purse-making days, and conjured up some amazing boxes.
So I took some pictures. Don't ask me how to make these. This is not a craft blog.
Several boxes have gone unpacked for those months, mainly craft crap.
I wish I had taken a "before" pic, but in hindsight all things...yadda yadda yadda...
The other place had built-in storage. This place, not so much. I spontaneously bought these stack-able closet organizers at Target and put them together for my brand new "Craft Like a Rock Star" craft center. Then I had to custom make the boxes to put into the cubbies, because those cubbies are actually supposed to hold shoes, not craft supplies, and you can't buy storage containers that size anywhere. I looked on Pinterest, hoping to find an amazing way to quickly produce the damn (shucks, I mean darn) things, but nothing I found was quite right for my project. I busted out the old T-square and some decorative paper left over from my artsy fartsy purse-making days, and conjured up some amazing boxes.
So I took some pictures. Don't ask me how to make these. This is not a craft blog.
Look, I even color-coordinated a couple of them!
But that's not what I wanted to show you.
This is.
It's an old print of mine I bought at a yard sale many, many years ago.
The artist simply signed Madeline. It was printed in 1976.
I want to find out more about it. Does anybody else recognize it?
I searched the web over and through. No luck.
Friday, January 13, 2012
I'll Give it to You Good
My biggest New Year Resolution this year is to give more without giving more money. Actually, I'd like it to be that I don't give any money, but they take those United Way and We Care donations right out of my check, so that's a bust. So, it's settled that I simply won't give any more money than that.
No five dollar bills for the homeless guy on the corner.
No spare change for the Fireman's Boot.
No fishing for quarters for the Salvation Army bucket.
My Dimes will not be Marching anywhere.
I'll feel like a jerk as I pass these folks by, but that's the way it's got to be.
I'm not made of money after all.
I'm a single mom with a small paycheck and big rent!
Instead, I'll give the things that don't cost me a cent to give away.
I've already started.
I gave Destiny my old refrigerator that still works great. She had to come get it herself, though, because I only have a car. No truck. My dog became very aggressive and bit her. She ended up with a huge bruise and hasn't been back to my house, but hey, she got a free fridge, so it's all good.
One thing leads to another in this life. My dog became more and more aggressive, started fights with the neighborhood dogs, chased the mailman, lunged for my two-year-old grandson. Other horrible things happened, and so I made the very very hard decision to have her put down.
I bawled and bawled and bawled. I've made some very hard decisions in my life, and this one is pretty high up on the list. I hope you never have to do it.
But, because of that, I had a bunch of leftover dog food, which I was able to donate to Pam from Seafood who is on medical leave from work. Her short-term disability hasn't kicked in yet, so she was running low on funds. Dog food. One less thing she'll have to worry about for a little while.
Her dog was excited to see me. She was a happy, playful little pooch. Nothing like my dog, which made me realize that my decision wasn't necessarily an evil, self-centered thing. There was actually something seriously wrong with my dog.
Another thing I'm giving away is clothing. I did that thing that they say you should do. I tossed all the clothes I haven't worn in over a year, packed 'em up, and they are waiting patiently to be hauled to the thrift store. My closet is so empty.
Other things that don't cost me money to give?
Time.
Hugs.
Friendship.
Advice.
Encouragement.
Smiles.
Hey, I'm even willing to give you a hard time, if that's your thing.
I'm generous like that.
Unique to me?
I suppose I could give more paintings away.
I could edit something you wrote.
I could write more stories.
Speaking of that, I wonder where I left Mia and Neely.
I should probably give them a good ending.
No five dollar bills for the homeless guy on the corner.
No spare change for the Fireman's Boot.
No fishing for quarters for the Salvation Army bucket.
My Dimes will not be Marching anywhere.
I'll feel like a jerk as I pass these folks by, but that's the way it's got to be.
I'm not made of money after all.
I'm a single mom with a small paycheck and big rent!
Instead, I'll give the things that don't cost me a cent to give away.
I've already started.
I gave Destiny my old refrigerator that still works great. She had to come get it herself, though, because I only have a car. No truck. My dog became very aggressive and bit her. She ended up with a huge bruise and hasn't been back to my house, but hey, she got a free fridge, so it's all good.
One thing leads to another in this life. My dog became more and more aggressive, started fights with the neighborhood dogs, chased the mailman, lunged for my two-year-old grandson. Other horrible things happened, and so I made the very very hard decision to have her put down.
I bawled and bawled and bawled. I've made some very hard decisions in my life, and this one is pretty high up on the list. I hope you never have to do it.
But, because of that, I had a bunch of leftover dog food, which I was able to donate to Pam from Seafood who is on medical leave from work. Her short-term disability hasn't kicked in yet, so she was running low on funds. Dog food. One less thing she'll have to worry about for a little while.
Her dog was excited to see me. She was a happy, playful little pooch. Nothing like my dog, which made me realize that my decision wasn't necessarily an evil, self-centered thing. There was actually something seriously wrong with my dog.
Another thing I'm giving away is clothing. I did that thing that they say you should do. I tossed all the clothes I haven't worn in over a year, packed 'em up, and they are waiting patiently to be hauled to the thrift store. My closet is so empty.
Other things that don't cost me money to give?
Time.
Hugs.
Friendship.
Advice.
Encouragement.
Smiles.
Hey, I'm even willing to give you a hard time, if that's your thing.
I'm generous like that.
Unique to me?
I suppose I could give more paintings away.
I could edit something you wrote.
I could write more stories.
Speaking of that, I wonder where I left Mia and Neely.
I should probably give them a good ending.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Spontaneity. It's a Problem.
I was having writer's block this morning, so I decided it was time for me to take a shower, deodorize, fix my hair and go out into the "real world" where people can view one another in the flesh. They can either smile and wave at one another, or they can scowl and pretend to ignore one another, depending on their moods. I tend to smile most of the time, as long as I'm nowhere near my job.
Going to the park or the zoo is not really a option for me. I have horrible outdoor allergies. I would have to take a heavy dose of allergy meds either before or after my adventures in the sun, which, let's face it, is not a cure for writer's block at all. I have to find a nice place indoors to roam.
The only problem around here, is that there's really no interesting place to go that I haven't been to a million times before, so I ended up at Walmart with the rest of society's rejects. The only thing I can say for myself is that I didn't wear my jammies and slippers. Other than that one small difference, I appeared to roam aimlessly around the store just like all the other mindless zombies I saw there, filling my cart full of things I probably could have lived without.
I remembered I needed to pick up some putty I saw on TV to repair the leak in the rain gutter that causes rain and melted snow to pour directly onto anyone attempting to knock on my front door. (No, I didn't intend for it to do that. I think the house might be adjusting to my personality and shunning all humanity on my behalf.)
The putty was $3.97. The allergen-blocking heater filter was $8.88. The acai-berry-detox pills were $9.97. The avocado/oatmeal face mask was $1.27. The LED key chain flashlight was $4.97.
Need I go on?
Thank goodness, I stopped myself before I made it to the electronics. I might have ended up with a brand new forty-two inch flat-screen TV and a PS3.
The next time I have writer's block, I believe I'll turn off my computer and curl up with a good book. It's free and I won't have to smile at anybody.
I might even wear my jammies.
.
.
Going to the park or the zoo is not really a option for me. I have horrible outdoor allergies. I would have to take a heavy dose of allergy meds either before or after my adventures in the sun, which, let's face it, is not a cure for writer's block at all. I have to find a nice place indoors to roam.
The only problem around here, is that there's really no interesting place to go that I haven't been to a million times before, so I ended up at Walmart with the rest of society's rejects. The only thing I can say for myself is that I didn't wear my jammies and slippers. Other than that one small difference, I appeared to roam aimlessly around the store just like all the other mindless zombies I saw there, filling my cart full of things I probably could have lived without.
I remembered I needed to pick up some putty I saw on TV to repair the leak in the rain gutter that causes rain and melted snow to pour directly onto anyone attempting to knock on my front door. (No, I didn't intend for it to do that. I think the house might be adjusting to my personality and shunning all humanity on my behalf.)
The putty was $3.97. The allergen-blocking heater filter was $8.88. The acai-berry-detox pills were $9.97. The avocado/oatmeal face mask was $1.27. The LED key chain flashlight was $4.97.
Need I go on?
Thank goodness, I stopped myself before I made it to the electronics. I might have ended up with a brand new forty-two inch flat-screen TV and a PS3.
The next time I have writer's block, I believe I'll turn off my computer and curl up with a good book. It's free and I won't have to smile at anybody.
I might even wear my jammies.
.
.
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