Our mixed breed, roadside rescue, spoiled rotten dog recently decided to go whoring around the neighborhood as if she were the hottest dog in the canine kingdom. That night out on the town resulted in the arrival of five furry little poop machines who are now living in the garage and making me feel guilty for not getting their mama spayed all those times I definitely could have but procrastinated just a little too much. Now we suffer.
I had decided not to name them. Giving them names would make it seem as if they were a part of the family, but they're not. Or at least they won't be for long, because I hope to have a long line of animal lovers lined up to take them off my hands as soon as the little monsters can choke down solid food.
Nevertheless, I have spent the last twenty minutes hunkered down on the garage floor, calling them by their rightful monikers: Bitchy, Whiny, Fuckin'Hungry, Stinky and Faceplant.
(Bitchy is my favorite. She's so fluffy and cute and she wuvs her Ness, yes she does.)
If my daughter were next door she'd be all over them poochies. I'll be she'd like their names, too, especially Fuckin'Hungry. She'd related to that one. Might you have one called, also, Bottomless Pit? ;)
ReplyDeleteVery funny. I love your loving description of your dog as it wanders round the local streets. We have a real problem with that where I live. Pitbulls everywhere!
ReplyDeleteSabina's cat, Luna French Kitty, did that with us. Although, to be fair, she never gave us any indication she might've been in heat. We managed to place one of the three, but Shuja and Eeeva Tiny Voice made it quite clear they were staying.
ReplyDeleteAt least they help their mother keep down the mice and vole population...
Bahahaha...no wait...hahahaha....lady dogs do have the tendency to go out and get into strife....the question is, where is the daddy dog eh?? prolly off with some other bitch, leaving poor mummy with hungry mouths to feed and reliant on dog welfare..
ReplyDeleteAm sooooo grateful at times like these to be living miles away. Or else those lil fur balls would find a home I am sure right in the middle of my living room floor lol Yeah. I would like to blame the kids for the bringing home of the strays, but it's actually the old man who brought home the last two :)
ReplyDeleteJayne-BottomlessPit could be what we call him around the grandkids...
ReplyDeleteDicky-she's really a very desperate sort of dog. She whine and whine at any passing mutt that doesn't pay enough attention to her.
Robbie-at least the cats are productive. These puppies seem to think they're going to collect a paycheck on cuteness alone.
Dan-she's a rotten mother. Doggie Family Services should take these puppies away from her.
Stacy- You know it not too far to drive. You know you want some puppies.
Ah, you're too far away otherwise I'd steal.
ReplyDeleteMy word verification was whimism - appropriate perhaps
best. dog names. EVER.
ReplyDeletei used to have a cat that meowed incessantly and you could often hear me yelling, "shut your meow hole!" i shoulda named him Whiney. or maybe Shutthefuckup.
and, awww...you're gonna keep little Bitchy, aren't you?
Weren't those five of the Seven Dwarfs?
ReplyDeletelight- You're never too far away to steal a puppy. Perhaps I'll pack them up and send them to you.
ReplyDeleteid- bitchy will probably be the first to go. not because I don't like her, but because she's just so dagum fluffy.
Grunt- possibly, but I think it was the Care Bears, wasn't it?
Inventing names is fun. Couple of years ago a colleague and I were going to name some petroleum prospects in the Artic Sea. We named them after body liquids; Blood, Tears, Piss ... All our suggestions were turned down by the boss. Very disappointing >:)
ReplyDeleteCold As Heaven
Cold- Bosses are silly like that. I have a machine at work that's always breaking down. My boss won't let me say the name I picked for it out loud.
ReplyDelete