Friday, November 4, 2011

Red Flags

I seem to have picked up a predator.

I met him at my high school reunion. I didn't know him in school, except that he was a bible thumper who went around trying to bring every lost soul to Jesus. As you know, I steer clear of bible thumpers. We were not friends in school. I may have actually called him a moron way back then. He says I did, but I don't remember it. High school is a blur.

While I was at the Reunion Gala, three of my old girlfriends noticed that he was "stalking" me, so they gave me the inside story. While he was dating one of them in high school, he tried to make out with the other, and then flirted with the third! What a jerk!

I found out later that he was the one who nominated me for Most Eligible Bachelorette, as if every unmarried woman is on the prowl for a man. Clearly, he completely misunderstands me.

He's been trying like crazy to stick to me for the last couple of months. He texts me, and he comments on my Facebook posts and he sometimes reads my blog posts and e-mails me about them.
Mind you, anything he says in a public forum is "safe." I couldn't accuse him of being a predator outright, based on those public comments alone, but I have dealt with his kind before. I am aware of his intentions, and I know the basics of how his mind works.

He's searching for an in, you see.

He's seeking my weaknesses and intends to exploit them to his benefit. That's how predators work.

He gives me a sob story of how he's not getting along with his wife; she's abusive toward him, and she's making herself out to be the victim. (This isn't the truth. This is just what he tells me. I have a friend who knows his wife, and she swears they have the perfect marriage.) Anyway, Mr. Predator wants me to meet him for coffee so we can talk about his failing, abusive marriage, because he knows that I've been through it, and I will be able to relate to his situation.


But that doesn't work on me, because my past is not a weakness for me. It's just a part of my past, and not a very big part. It only lasted six and a half years. I left that relationship fifteen years ago. Just like high school, it is a blur.

Then he decides he, too, has a novel in him, despite claiming at the reunion that he doesn't read much, just watches movies. So he wants me to read some of his stuff and give him pointers, because he likes the way I write, and all of a sudden, he wants to be a writer too. I tell him I don't have time for that sort of thing. I barely have time to write my own book. If he wants honest criticism, he should take a class or something.

After the first few weeks, I started to not respond to his texts right away. I let them sit there for a while, and then later I would claim to have been busy at work or in a movie, or taking a nap, or writing or picking kids up from school. Once, I told him I was on a date, even though I wasn't. He didn't text back, and I was happy to have shaken him off.

I didn't notice when he deleted me from Facebook, but he sent another friend request a week or so ago. I simply ignored it. Then, out of the blue, he shows up at my job. He told me he was there to try the salad bar. That doesn't explain why he was hanging around the meat counter, but hey, maybe he likes raw steak in his salad, what do I know? I was polite to him. I had to be. I was at work.

Then he sends me a text asking if he's done something to offend me. How was I supposed to answer that? Taking the safe road, I just responded, "Do you feel that you've done something to offend me? Are you under the impression that I am easily offended?" He never answered.

Maybe he gave up.


  1. Um. Stalking is stalking, public or not. My exhusband left a note on my car at night. That was all I needed to get a restaining order.

    Funny, the spitting on me, shoving, public threats, false accusations (requiring 3 years of investigations), kidnapping my children, and ripping up the dirt road I live on by driving like a maniac up and down for days when I first moved in, couldn't do it.

    But a hand written note at 2am, left on my car... Yip.

  2. Stalkers remind me very much of stray cats or dogs. I know that sounds rather condescending, but when you feed them-e.g. in this instance, give them some attention-the keep coming around. However, take away the metaphoric food dish, and they eventually go away to prey upon someone and/or something else.

    At least that's how it's worked with those who've tried such madness with me, one of which was a less-than-sane x...although that brain damage did last half a year.

  3. my three year old has a crush on one of his classmates in preschool. we saw her walking home with her dad and he wanted me to follow her home and got all pissed when i said we couldn't do that. he hasn't started texting her yet.

    your situation sounds a bit unnerving, but unless the dude is unstable, i would think what you are doing should take care of it. if not, i know this guy...

  4. Not the kind of guy you want to deal with. Your message was brilliant >:)

    Cold As Heaven

  5. Oh dear Nessa - the old "my wife doesn’t understand me" malarkey. I'm with you on the bible bashers; I always steer well clear of those folk.

    Nice post :)

  6. Julianna, My history with stalkers is actually pretty extensive. Restraining orders, in my personal opinion, do more damage than good. Still, I am very sorry that you were in a situation that called for one, and thankful that you are still here to tell about it.

    Robbie- that's exactly how I feel about this guy.

    id- You better keep an eye on that boy...

    Cold- Thank you. I think my message worked. He hasn't bothered me again.

    Dicky- I'm glad I'm not the only one who sees right through him. ;)

  7. Excellent answer, Hope it continues to work for you. Sheesh, you know that guys been down the same road dozens of times. If only his poor wife knew.. What a creep! (Sad this stuff actually works on some girls.)

  8. It's just not what an empowered girl needs, is it? Good for you for batting off, but maybe sometimes, honesty is the best policy? Telling him straight might be the only way to ward off a weirdo.

  9. Nice to know I'm not the only one who is a weirdo and bible basher magnet!

  10. Tell him that only men that perform acts of public bestiality first can go to lunch with you. It would be interesting to see if such an event happens in effort to gain your effections. Kidding aside, the only way to deal with a stalker is to be direct and honest, without humiliating them (that seems only to encourage them). Hey, it worked on me;)

  11. Sorry little thing, isn't he? A pathetic man/boy looking for validation, rescuing, adoration, and lucky you! He's picked you -- for now. I like your style -- he'll be gone soon, looking for someone who will fill that hole in his life...


  12. I think my comment above qualifies as a red flag.

  13. Jayne-it does work on some girls, but I hope they learn something from it!

    Spencer- There's a club for people like us. It's called The Pub!

    Grunt- haha! (gross) If I didn't know you were kidding, it might qualify you!

    Pearl- Yep, you got it! And I think he waved the white flag already. I haven't heard from him in a while. (yippee!)