Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Obvious Cure?

Sometimes, for no reason at all other than I might be slightly crazy, I'll start stressing out about my life. I don't know why this happens. Life hasn't thrown me a curve ball. Nothing is going extraordinarily awry. No little surprises have sprouted up lately. Everything is just as wild and turbulent as it always has been.

The ball is still rolling.
The wheel is still spinning.
The fire is still burning.

Everything is just as expected, which means that nothing is going just as expected.

So why am I suddenly getting nervous about something as mundane getting the oil changed in the car?
Why does Halloween suddenly seem like such a chore?
Why am I standing in the grocery store getting upset over avocados that aren't ripe enough for guacamole?
And why are you looking at me like that? You got a problem?

The only extended period of time I've ever felt this way was the five years I spent hauling my kids around in the womb, but I couldn't possibly be pregnant. Aside from the fact that I have remained (relatively) celibate for the last couple of years, I don't even have a uterus anymore, so I'm one hundred per cent positive that there are no little creatures growing inside of me, throwing my hormones out of whack and causing me to have fantasies about stuffing the sperm donor down the garbage disposal.

This constant state of worry stifles my creativity. I cannot think in complete sentences when I am stressed, let alone put them down on paper. No best-selling novels will be written today.

I need an outlet- something with fewer calories than chocolate and more satisfaction than watching rich people shop for houses on HGTV. I need to do something physical to burn this unexplained adrenaline pumping through my system.

(I should clean my house. I should organize my bookshelves. I should go jogging.)


Who am I kidding? I'll never go jogging.


  1. Jogging is silly, but walking is divine. Take a deep breath and go play with your books, perhaps a muse will be hiding between the tomes.

  2. Robbie- I thoroughly appreciate that you didn't suggest the housework.

  3. I've got as far as buying new jogging shoes >:)

    Cold As Heaven

  4. jogging??? housework??? why put yourself through hell only to have it revisit you a few weeks later?
    For instance dusting...ha...that shit just hides from you, it never goes away. Fuck that.Shit has a mind of its own.
    Personally I go down the route of hiding inside a book for a while until the anxiety subsides. Or I eat an entire tub of pre-made guacamole, with my fingers.
    Failing that I turn to hard likker or hang around the local methadone clinic hoping someone wants to sell on their dose of whatever they a dream.
    Im freaking about the sperm donor down the garbage disposal unit..those things slice, dice and julienne....
    buck up'll be cool :)
    You too can do this

  5. Cold- that's about the extent of my dedication as well.

    Dan-I hadn't thought about liquor, but now that you mention it, there's an excellent mixed drink called The Painkiller.

  6. 1. I get nervous about going to the dump. What if the bag falls over in the car. What if maggots come out of the bag? What if they crawl up over the backseat and into the drivers side, and eat my eyeballs while I'm driving?

    2. Halloween IS a chore. At least in our house.

    3. And I was all pissed tonight because I couldn't find any clementines.

    So, no I'm not looking at you. I'm relating. :0)

  7. do you ever watch the colbert report? you should check out the sept 6 episode, skip to about the 4 minute, 15 second mark and watch the bit on "happy endings"'s funny as shit but also has a good little message that relates to this post. i'm gonna try and see if i can figger out how to link it here...
    ooh, i did click this link for the colbert thingie

  8. Julianna-I feel so much closer to you now that I know I'm not the only one who thinks the bugs are trying to eat my eyeballs!

    id- I watched it. I feel so much better now. Pass the popcorn.

  9. I swear I left a comment on this post. Anyway, I probably said something to the effect that anxiety sucks.

  10. Jogging....yuck! Housework yuck! I have these problems all the time. There’s always something on my mind burning away. You need to press the “empty recycle bin” more often.

  11. Every once in a while I have moments like that. I think they're like little panic attacks, like something just isn't right and your body is giving you a good shake to let you know. I can chalk it up to peri-menopausal ugliness, but I think it's just the accumulation of all kinds of things that have been on our minds, things that need attention or things that need to be tossed in the garbage.

    I say go dancing girl! Nothing like wildly flailing your body on a dance floor to shake out the worries. ;)

    (And housework is on that accumulation list, so don't go there!)

  12. Grunt- that's happened to me before. Either I'm looney, or Blogger doesn't like me.

    Dicky- I wonder how that would work...

    Jayne- that's something I can do, as long as I have a two-year-old to show me the moves!

  13. Been there too, my head is constantly clogged with crap, but I just go on pretending it isn't there, cleaning no need as it's done, jogging pfft too much work..haha

  14. I get like that a lot. Social anxiety disorder, and it is a little creature that grows inside you ;)

    Just make sure that you know you're fantastic. And I think the world of you and your writing :)

  15. Pat- You're a new face to me. Thanks for stopping by!

    Sally-Sal- Thatnk you, that makes me feel all smiley, and less stressed.