Thursday, April 21, 2011

In High School, I Was Voted Most Likely to Change the Subject

My mind is all over the place lately. I blame the weather. There's been no rain for weeks. Just wind, dust and fires. I should move to Oregon or Washington, where I hear the sun never shines. (Or at least, thet's what my Facebook friends who live in that area say all the time.) My knee and elbow were throbbing all day yesterday, but there was no rain in the forecast. This means nothing to me. Northwest Texas weather will change more quickly than my mood. I looked this morning, and there are thunderstorms in the forecast for Sunday. It will change again before tomorrow.
My mind has been on the children. Little boogers. I shouldn't post about them here. I have mixed emotions about motherhood. I was a great mom when they were little, and they thought I ruled the world, but now....
I probably messed them up, encouraging them to think for themselves. They've grown into four of the most independent-minded people you will ever have the privilege to know. That may sound wonderful in theory, but the truth is, a little bit of conformity can be a good thing too. Unfortunately, I skipped that lesson when I was raising them. I've never been a conformist myself, and children learn by example.
Changing the subject completely, my manuscript was not rejected, but was sent back to me via email because the agent's inbox was full. This tells me nothing, but it my mind, if you're going to offer to accept manuscripts by electronic mail, you probaly ought to clear your inbox every once in a while. It kind of pissed me off, and now, I want to move to a different literary agent. Maybe God is trying to tell me something. (I always go there, to the GOD excuse. I don't know why.)
The dynamics at work have changed. Johnny got transferred to another store. I saw it coming. He hasn't been gone long enough to miss him yet. I worked side by side with him for six or so years. I always wondered what it would be like without him there. Turns out, it's business as usual, without the distraction of his class-clown attitude. He was immediately replaced by a blonde-haired, blue-eyed boy named Jacob. One of the other guys, ETHAN STEPHENSON, made a comment to me out of the corner of his mouth that we were "thinning the herd." When I asked him what he meant by that, he said, "Getting rid of the Mexicans."
Racism pisses me off.
Ethan pisses me off on a daily basis. Because I'm white, he thinks I'm "on his side."
I assure you, that is not the case.
I have a new "assistant." I put that in quotes, because she's really just a co-worker who was hired to help me do my job, but I'm not her boss. I'm just bossy. I like her. She's easy to get along with. Too bad the poor girl got stuck with me.
On the Dream Front: my dreams have been ordinary lately. Well, ordinary for me. When I start telling other people my dreams, they think I'm bonkers. I know there are other people that dream as much as I do, and in vivid, lucid color like I do, but I don''t meet them very often.
Last night my dreams included a litter of puppies, a japanese sword and the guy I have a crush on at work.


  1. that dream is begging to be explained, haha.

    (oh, and i sympathize with the too independent minded kids, mine are still little but heading that way fast.)

  2. And your dreams have been ordinary? Hmmm... It's good your kids are independent. I need to loosen the reign on mine a bit... they're getting to an age where they ought to be more independent, but are sometimes afraid to make their own decisions. No matter how we mother, we always worry if we've done it well.
    (Hope everything works out w/your manuscript!)

  3. You had me right in the beginning -

    "There's been no rain for weeks. Just wind, dust and fires. "

    It sounds like the start of a dark and powerful story.

    As for dreams, I'd say it's one place we have the license to be "bonkers". I just love that word :)

  4. Nice blog. Please do visit my blog and leave your footprints behind by posting comments:-

  5. id- kids....ugh.They were so precious when they were tiny and couldn't talk...

    Jayne- Thanks for the encouragement. (I really need it.)

    Shopgirl- Thank you. I hadn't even thought about that line for a story, but now you've got me thinking...

    Nilofer-well, I don't really know what to say...

  6. i find myself laughing at the hilarity of the randomness of this post. it cracks me up how much you jump from one subject to the next with little or no transition, because it sounds exactly like conversations i have with my best friend. i swear if anyone else tried to jump in, they would be completely lost!
    good luck with the manuscript... i envy your bravery and ambition! what an awesome way to put your mark on the world!