Friday, August 13, 2010

Nora Roberts? I don't think so.

I don't believe Nora Roberts actually exists. She is a fabrication. An imaginary face to a very real list of books that takes up a chapter just to list. "Other books written by Nora Roberts (insert three pages of listings here)" and then also, "Books by Nora Roberts writing as J.D. Robb (insert additional nineteen pages of listing here)"
I believe there is a group of twenty or thirty writers who are ghostwriting and using the Nora Roberts name to promote their books.
My supporting evidence: Nora Roberts has written something like 14,976 books. (That is possibly an exxageration...but I thinkI came pretty close.)
It would take me more time to read all the Nora Roberts books than I have left in my life. Unless she is transporting herself to an alternate universe where time stands still, cloning herself, ripping holes in the time-space continuum, writing books in her sleep...need I go on?

I am thirty-seven years old. I have written TWO books in my lifetime. Neither has been published. The first one I wrote when I was fifteen, and it totally sucked. It was the eighties. Everybody was so self-centered back then, and it showed through my writing style.
The second one I wrote last year. It's pretty good, but it's a thriller/romance, and I'm scared to submit it for publication. Fear of rejection, fear of success...yadda yadda yadda

I know I've been pretty busy raising the stinkmonsters and working full-time. Nora probably had a nanny for her kids, huh? Or does she have kids? (These rotten kids are interfering with my book-writing with all their needy needs! Food, clothes, shelter, BAH!)

Yesterday, I wrote the first two chapters of my next book, and I am feeling pretty confident about it. I cried. the story made me sad. I can't wait to find out what happens next.

I haven't gotten anything else done. The dirty dishes are piling. The mail is unopened. My paintings are still boasting snowstorms. Melina will be so disappointed...

disclaimer: This blog was written with an air of humor. I did not intend to plant the seed of doubt concerning the actual existence of the phenomonal writer Nora Roberts. I am sure she is a very real, very tangible being with an amazing talent and a good sense of humor. Nora Roberts (if that is, in fact, your real name), cheers to you (and your ghostwriters).

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