Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Charmer

     Years ago you had that unexpected dream that changed the way you saw me. I remember your eyes boring into me when you told me about it. You told me you loved me, really loved me...in the dream. I halfway thought you loved me right then, but I wasn't ready to deal with it. I laughed it off and commented how funny dreams could be to make you have feelings for somebody who was completely off your radar. You flinched, as if I'd hurt you, but you recovered quickly and half-laughed as well. Our friends were listening in on our conversation, trying not to be obvious about it. Failing.

    I danced clumsily with that other guy one night, and you got jealous. I called you out and kissed you on the patio in the rain. It was a quick wet, drunken smack delivered in a moment of complete stupidity, but I closed my eyes so I wouldn't have to see that smug little smile of yours. You knew you had me then. It was only a matter of time.

     Everything's been messed up ever since. We're so scared to take that leap over the edge, we're clinging to each other, hovering right there on the precipice of truth and life and love. Somehow it comforts me to know that although we're not making any progress, at least we're not doing it together.

     Today when I saw you, I wanted to tell you about the dream I had last night that made me feel so close to you.  I looked into your deep eyes and stumbled on my own tongue. We laughed at my awkwardness. I couldn't form the words. I couldn't tell you how  you loved me, really loved me...in the dream.

18 comments:

  1. Certain bittersweetness to those bookends. Maybe one day ya'll will have a not so awkward kiss.

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    1. Doubtful. We are both very awkward people. (But don't tell him. He thinks he's Mr. Cool.)

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  2. This is a lovely piece of writing. You know how much I like a bit of melancholy. Twice in my life, I've acted on dreams about a person. Once when I was a teenager (all a bit silly) and later when I was an adult (all very serious). Tis also me to dwell on moments past, even on dreams of things that haven't happened.

    I miss your posts. Blog more please.

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    1. I would love to hear about those episodes.

      I will try to blog more often. I'm constantly posting in my head.

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    1. "it's complicated" doesn't begin to cover it.

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  4. 'although we're not making any progress, at least we're not doing it together'. Absoutely beautiful writing!

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    1. Thank you, Wayne. I like that bit, too.

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  5. Fantastic writing as always... and I agree, you should do it more. And not just in your head. :)

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    1. Thanks, Juli. I wish I had more free time.

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  6. What a lovely piece of writing. You should tell him how much you love him, you should tell him every day. :)

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    1. Interesting. I tell him I hate him every day. Does that count?

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  7. Lovely piece Nessa, heartfelt. From impulse to caution. You say you don't want progression, but who are you kidding? Thoroughly enjoyed reading this post; keep them coming :)

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  8. Leap! (Too cold and vertigines on the precipice.;))

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  9. Dreams contain power that frightens me at times. Translucent emotions that bleed into our waking lives. Love....a beautiful mess, you paint it so well.

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  10. That was really beautifully written...

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